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''Altogether Ooky'' - The Bloodhound Gang
Before I get into this, I want to say that I fucken love The Bloodhound Gang. Like, I love them so much that I find it personally offensive when people only know them because of “The Bad Touch.” Not only do they have a long list of really great songs, (their album, “Hooray for Boobies,” is fire) but they’re a pretty damn unique act. They’ve done hip-hop, punk, pop, alternative, hardcore, and will probably have done a bunch more by the time I finish typing this sentence. Vocalist Jimmy Pop raps and sings, and does the former better than most mainstream rappers. Plus, Pop and bassist Evil Jared Hasselhoff were in episodes of Viva La Bam. That’s an instant win for me.
Another thing I like about them is that while most of their songs are funny sex songs, the lyrics are actually pretty damn good. In their song “Yummy Down On This,” which is an ode to mouth sex, Pop spits the following…
“Told to hold the pickle,
Then you went and blew it,
Gherkin off and the Special Sauce comes included, But you knew it did,
So concentrate like Tropicana,
To eat a Chiquita you need to grow the banana,
So can ya bob like Dylan on my peter like Criss,
Till it's chubby like Checker,
C'mon baby do the twist,
It's all in the wrist like table tennis,
So beat me like Betty Crocker cake mix”
Even if you don’t like immature humor, you have to appreciate how clever this band’s word play is. Though it could just be me being a sucker for punny jokes.
Really, the only thing I don’t like about The Bloodhound Gang is their use of gross-out humor. There’s a reason why I prefer the censored version of the “Bad Touch” Musik Video. But in every single other category, from raps to dick jokes, they kick major freaking ass.
So, why am I spending so much time putting over this gang of bloodhounds? Sadly, because I want you to really understand how hard it is for me to criticize something this band has done. And holy shiza, do I have a lot of criticism for “Altogether Ooky.”
The band’s 2010 single, “Altogether Ooky,” is a good-sounding song. Though Pop usually raps, this one is him singing the entire time in a way that harmonizes nicely with the instrumentals. The song is kind of calm, but still has enough of a kick to make me nod my spirit head along while I listen to it. It’s got some soul, though not like in a jazz way because fuck jazz. Also, the title is a reference to The Addams Family. Also, awesome.
The lyrics in the chorus tell the story of a relationship gone wrong in a way that is really fucken clever.
“I'm gonna come to your house on the back of a horse with,
A bunch of villagers carrying torches,
Most of whom dislike monsters like you, girl”
Toll. It’s the age-old story of a crazy-ass girl, whom the singer is calling a monster is a way that I find so creative. The first two lines are setting up the accusation that the girl is a crazy bitch, but the reveal is saved for the third line, which is when the listener then appreciates the remarks about needing Frankensteinisch villagers.
So with a good sound, a good chorus, and a title that reminds me of my first crush, Wednesday Addams, what’s the problem here? Well, have you ever seen someone set something up so god damn perfectly, only to totally mess it up?
“Why would I wanna stay friends?
Rather get raped by clowns again”
And herein lies the problem. “Altogether Ooky” is what I call a “semi-serious song.” It’s not super serious, it’s not a played-straight suicide song or anything like that, but the subject matter is more serious than something like “Yummy Down On This.” This is a relationship song about how a girl that the guy once liked has now become an evil monster. Yet the song is peppered with surrealistic jokes which just doesn’t work. He’s all serious one moment, and getting raped by clowns the next moment. And yeah, I get that sometimes that can work. Comedy is generally about setting up an idea, and then subverting it in a shocking way. So why doesn’t that work here? Quite simply, the chorus is too good. Between the lyrics and the tone in Pop’s voice, they do too good a job of painting a picture of the böses Mädchen tormenting the guy. So when the guy is also weird, it destroys the story that the listener has become invested in.
The song actually starts off with some jokes that do work at first.
“Caught you,
Sniffing my boxers,
Who the fuck does that,
At Red Lobster?”
So far, so good. The story is about a crazy chick.
“Creepy,
Like when Tom Cruise laughs,
That's how your finger,
Felt in my ass”
Still no problems. The story is progressing, and so far the jokes have fit.
However, then we go into the chorus, and suddenly those jokes no longer work. The first verse is about a crazy kinky girl who is freaking out the guy. But the chorus tells the story of an heartless bitch. And because the chorus is so much better than the preceding verse, this is the story that is now in the listener’s head. And then, things get bad…
“The way
Your kisses tasted
Skeeve me the hell out
Like shitting naked”
I want to hear the story about what happened with this relationship, I’m invested, but the joke here just takes us out of it. Maybe if the band was to add humor in a way that, wait, I’m sorry… shitting naked? Really?! How dafuq does that skeeve you out? I mean, yeah, crap is gross, but how else do you shit? Granted, I’m a spirit from another dimension, maybe I’m not totally familiar with human bathroom activity, but is there really another way to defecate? Shouldn’t you be used to it by now? Is he talking about wearing a shirt? Is the idea of dropping a deuce sans shirt the part that skeeves him out? *sighs* God dammit, Jimmy Pop.
Sowieso, the next line in the song is the part about getting raped by clowns which is just… ugh. Look, I can kind of forgive the two opening jokes. It doesn’t make sense that he’s listing those as reasons for why the girl is a monster, but whatever, a person can be both evil and kinky. Ich bin Exhibit A. And maybe Pop is so vanilla that he does consider boxer-sniffing and anal penetration to be evil. But the line about clown rape just takes the listener too far out of the story. We’re now in a surreal territory. One where, apparently, Bozo and Pennywise make niggas their bitches.
The song then ends in a way that, despite all the jokes, does fit really well.
“I rub the lotion on the skin
Or else I get the hose again
I rub the lotion on the skin
Or else I get the hose again
I rub the lotion on the skin
Or else I get the hose again…”
Pop paraphrases Buffalo Bill’s creepy lines from the hit thriller “Silence of the Lambs,” and it absolutely works. The guy feels like the victim of a deranged serial killer. See, this is why the mistakes in this song piss me off so much. The song does so much right, and then so much wrong. Clown rape wrong.
So, are there any serious or semi-serious songs that have jokes which work really well? Yes. Guess which band comes to mind the second I start thinking of examples?
Bloodhound Gang’s “Magna Cum Nada” is all about feeling pathetic and useless to the point where Pop sings “Have you seen my will to live? Because I seem to have lost it!” Yet the title itself is a pun in the tradition of a Greek frat club, saying something along the lines of “never going to cum.” The song is filled with jokes which don’t distract from the overall anger felt in the tone. That’s something “Altogether Ooky” failed at.
Then there’s “Take the Long Way Home,” which is just lyrical brilliance to me. The song is about the utter pointlessness of this existence told in a way that can be pretty dark at times.
“But we've all got to Wang Chung with the Grim Reaper,
Whether you're Einstein,
Whether you're Beaker,
Death is certain so it's definitely worth flirtin',
Don't expect a bright light, no, just curtains,
Life is like a penis most people don't know it,
But most people suck so they usually blow it”
Again, a song filled with jokes and clever word play that don’t at all distract from the topic. I especially like this part…
“Are you Evil Knievel jumping a train?
Or running with scissors like Frasier Crane?
Have really good times doing really bad things,
'Cause the show ain't over 'til the fat lady sings,
Like Elton John with his candle in the wind,
It's hard to blow out a flame as big as him”
A “Cheers” reference and calling Elton John a flamer. Maybe that could have saved “Altogeher Ooky.”
Anyway, I’ve ranted about the lyrics long enough. On to das Video!
This Video is a total comedy, which only adds to this disappointment of what the song could have been. However, I realize that I’ve bitched relentlessly about the lyrics enough for one review, so I’m just going to judge the Video without taking the song into consideration now. Mind you, the song is a part of the Musik Video, so I can’t really say this is a good Video even if it’s funny. But at least this way I get to STFU about the lyrics already.
So the Video opens with The Bloodhound Gang at a nursing home. Pop opens his mouth to show that he has fangs, and the Musik starts playing, which is a nice touch. The rest of the Video alternates between the band performing in the nursing home, and a vampire (played by Jimmy Pop) trying to live his undead life but failing at every turn. The first time we see Count Pop, he’s unable to sleep because he can’t get comfortable in his coffin. We then see him at work, sitting at a desk covered in mountains of papers. He sighs as he flips through a photo album, looking at pictures of his parents, as well as past victims. Clearly, he wishes he was out vampiring instead of working at a typically boring job.
The Video goes on to show him (figuratively) sucking at many different aspects of life. One of his misadventures is going to a dentist named Dr. Acular. Which is a clever pun but… um… is the dentist a vampire? He doesn’t have fangs. Is the joke that the vampire had to see a dentist that had a name that made him feel comfortable? Anywho, the vampire is afraid to open his mouth, and after some prodding, he kills the dentist via fangbite, and then flies away via bat wings.
Later we see him get punked out by some Trick or Treating kids, break a rubix cube because he couldn’t solve it, and unsuccessfully try to pick up bitches at a bar. He even tries to bite one Frau on the neck, but sees that she’s wearing a cross earing, and runs away in terror. I guess Richard Pryor was right. Most of these gags are mildly amusing, but not very funny. Two parts that did make me chuckle was the part where he’s thumbing through the photo album because there’s a picture of Nosferatu labeled “Dad,” and a part where he appears to be masturbating behind his work desk, (while “I rub the lotion” is being sang) but he’s actually fashioning a stake that he uses to break that friggin rubix cube.
Towards the end of the Video, Nosferatu Jr. finds himself sitting outside, looking beaten down by his eternal yet pathetic existence. He shrugs with a “Yeah, what the Hell?” look on his face, and then starts rollerskating. As random-assed as that scene is, I liked it. The whole Video was showing this guy to be such a loser, but then we see that he’s good at something. The Video is basically the story of a dude who doesn’t fit in. He could give in to depression, but he never does. He just keeps trying, and eventually, he finds something he can do well. And yeah, it’s really random, but it works. We seem him sulking for a second, so it’s not like this scene doesn’t acknowledge all the preceding scenes. And it’s pretty common for people to have unexpected hobbies which helps them cope with hardships.
Meanwhile, in the room where The Bloodhound Gang is playing, Jimmy Pop stands up and leaves the room with the hot nurse who was tending to them. The rest of the band dies because of this, leading me to believe Pop is a selfish summamabitch.
I found this to be another joke that kinda fell flat, but not in a terrible way. It was kind of funny seeing Pop dancing with the nurse in the background while his fellow bloodhounds lie dead.
The “Altogether Ooky” Video gets a solid and mildly respectable “It’s aight” from me. The best part is without a doubt the song which, lyrical problems aside, is still a good song. And while the Video wasn’t super entertaining, it had some good moments. It’s really just something to watch when listening to the song, as opposed to a great piece of Kunst in itself.
The Bloodhound Gang is probably going to remain one of my favorite bands for the foreseeable future. Though “Altogether Ooky” shows that even great bands aren’t perfect. Also, I wish Viva La Bam went on forever.
Bonus Fact: The Bloodhound Gang filmed this Video in Berlin, and you can see the Brandenburger Tor during the scene where the vampire skates. Considering how common the vampire sub-culture is in Berlin, the locals were probably used to this sight.
“I'm gonna come to your house on the back of a horse with,
A bunch of villagers carrying torches,
Most of whom dislike monsters like you, girl”
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