Every once in a while, I’ll come across a shitty band that has one really good song. And there’s probably no better example of that than Toto. In Toto’s defense, the band was formed in 1977, and bands that consistently produced Musik which didn’t make people want to slit their own throats didn’t really become a thing until the eighties.

     But as terrible as 99% of Toto’s Musik is, I can’t deny how damn good their biggest hit is. Their 1982 mega hit,“Africa,” has such an amazingly catchy beat throughout the verses. The instrumentals include guitars, bass, and drums, as well as mbira done on keyboard and the marimba. This makes the song have a kind of exotic sound, which serves as a theme in the lyrics. If you’ve heard this song, you already know what my favorite part is. Ja, that “dum dum dum dum… dum dum! dum dum…” will never fully leave my mind.

     The topic is also pretty cool. Obviously, the title lets you know that the song is about the dark continent. And with all of the tragedy that Africa has experienced, and continues to experience, there’s a wealth of material when it comes to telling an emotional story about struggle and survival.

     The lyrics were written by vocalist and keyboardist David Paich and drummer Jeff Porcaro. Both men have commented on what the song is about.

     According to Paich:

     “At the beginning of the eighties I watched a late night documentary on TV about all the terrible death and suffering of the people in Africa. It both moved and appalled me, and the pictures just wouldn't leave my head. I tried to imagine how I'd feel about... if I was there, and what I'd do.”

     Porcaro also commented on the lyrics:


     Huh… that’s kinda strange. The two writers seem to have pretty different ideas about what this song is about.

     So is it about the death and suffering of the Africans? Or is it about a white Westerner trying to write about a place he’s never been to? Maybe the lyrics will clear things up.


     Dafuq does that have to do with either topic? What about the chorus?


     Okay, so does anyone, who has actually heard this song, really believe it’s about Africa? Seriously, look up the lyrics. This is obviously a song about a guy who wants to fick a girl. So where exactly does Africa come in? Well, hold on to your butts. Because I’m about to explain my theory of what “Africa” is really about. If you’re anything like me, and you should be, this will make you like the song even more.

     “Africa” is actually the story of a man who is feeling a strong sexual desire that he’s never felt before. It’s so strong, that’s it’s consuming his mind, and he’s scared that it’s turning him into a monster.


     The dude is talking with his lady friend on the phone. While she only hears the conversation they’re having, he hears “the drums.” The drums here represent a primal and tribalistic urge within the man to do what comes natural, in a most primitive way. He sees sex with her as being something of a “salvation.”


     On the way to meeting his sexy Schatzi, he comes across an old man. As an allusion to African culture, the man is presented as a wise shaman who holds ancient secrets. Remember, white people thought black people were magical back then, too. But what he really is, is simply an older gentleman who’s banged more bitches than you can possibly imagine. The guy telling the story asks the man for advice on the timeless art of seduction. The old man can tell, just by looking, that this young man doesn’t need any advice. He knows more than he thinks he does. And so, the old man simply tells the younger dude to go get her.

     “The wild dogs” are the sexual feelings that, the narrator thinks, are out of control. He desperately need to get with this bitch.

     The man is frightened of his animal he’s become. He’s worried that he doesn’t actually care about anything but sex now. And yet...

     So the first two lines can mean one of two things. First, he’s continuing the theme of desperately needing to fuck her, and nothing is going to get in his way. Or, maybe he actually loves her, and he’s referring to how nothing can come between their romance.

     Which one is it? I think the answer is in the very next line. “I bless the rains down in Africa.” It seems so out of place. He’s telling this whole story about his desire and this woman, and then out of nowhere, he starts talking about Africa. Obviously, “blessing the rains in Africa” is a metaphor for what they’re doing here.

     The first humans emerged from Africa. It’s the birthplace of humanity. However, if we’re talking about individual humans, the birthplace of a human is out of a woman’s vagina. That’s right. In this context, “Africa” is a metaphor for a woman’s vag. And when the man says “I bless the rains down in Africa,” he’s talking about eating her soaking wet Muschi. It’s because of this line, that we know how the story ends. The man doesn’t become a heartless sexfiend, rather he falls in love with the woman. He’s not just fucking her, and then leaving. He’s pleasuring her in a way that only gets her off, because that’s important to him. He blesses her. Right in the cooter.

     Still not convinced? Well, remember the part where the old man says “Hurry, boy, it’s waiting there for you” early in the song? Towards the end of the song, after the second chorus, the vocalist sings “Hurry, boy, SHE’S waiting there for you.” The man no longer see this woman as an “it” but has humanized her as a “she.”
     Kinda gay, but still a powerful story.

     So that’s my theory. It sounds cray cray, but it makes far more sense than the explanations by the band members. Plus, I’ve yet to hear a better argument for what “I bless the rains down in Africa” could actually be referring to.

     One does have to wonder why Toto had to lie about what this song is really about. It could just be an inside joke. Each writer gives a different version of what the song is about, much like how in “The Dark Knight,” The Joker gives different explanations for how he got his scars. But they also may have kept the real meaning hidden due to the view that many people had of female sexuality when the song came out. In the Western world, the thought of focusing on getting a woman off was seen as kind of strange until the sexual revolution of the sixties.

     Sex was something that men enjoyed, and women did for men. This is probably why scientists did such a half-assed job researching female sexuality, causing people to believe ridiculous things about a woman’s anatomy, such as only hermaphrodites possessing a clitorious. It wasn’t even until the year 2005 that the clit was fully mapped.

     Today, a lot of people still think that a loose puss puss means that a girl had lots of sex. Myths like this just show how unimportant people considered/consider female sexuality to be. Perhaps this is the reason Toto decided to be cryptic about what it really means to bless those African rains. It’s bad enough every other song they made sucked. They didn’t also want people thinking they were a bunch of bitch-ass girly men who licked clit.

     So, there you have it. The true meaning of “Africa” by Toto. See you next time, dear readers.


     Oh, that’s right. I’m supposed to review the Video too.

     Sadly, this Video is more typical of what you’d expect from Toto. The quality sucks, though this came out way back in the ancient days of 1982. So I didn’t really expect it to have Lady Gaga level quality. However, it’s also plagued with boredom. Which is another thing that was common in the eighties, but I can only look the other way so many times.

     So the Video takes place in a library, where the members of Toto are doing some reading. Paich begins looking off into the distance, and singing, as the song starts. Which is actually a pretty cool way to start the song. Throughout the Video, the camera cuts to a black female librarian, obviously symbolic of the continent which we now know represents female genitalia. 

     While the eighties had its problems, this was probably a positive sign of the times. Use a black person as a reference to Africa today, and you’d probably be shouted down by while guilt liberals and angry black racists for “cultural appropriation” or some shit.

     The camera then cuts to a shot of a spinning globe, followed by the black librarian stamping a passport. Now that I think this song isn’t about Africa at all, I kinda see things like this as Toto trolling. Which is kinda awesome. The Video continues by alternating between shots of Paich singing, and the band playing, which isn’t bad. When the chorus hits, Toto is now tiny, and performing on top of a stack of books which is… ugh. Who came up with this? Who thought shrinking the band down so small that they can play on a book was an epic way to transition into the chorus? And seriously, this part should have been epic. While not a badass metal song, “Africa” still does have a chorus that sounds super emotional. There’s a powerful longing in the vocals that requires, I don’t know, a venue that’s like the opposite of a stack of books.

     As the Video goes on, we start to see part of the library transformed into a jungle, and a spear-chucking African is now approaching, as Paich continues looking for books. If this Video came out today, Al Sharpton would have came his pants with the force of a thousand suns because he’d have something new to bitch about. So the spear-chucker chucks a spear, startling Frau Black Librarian, and knocking over a stack of books. Because Africans care not for your fancy white man book-learnin’. This leads to a lamp falling on a book, setting it on fire.

     And, well, that’s about it. Paich find a book with the title “Africa” on it, and smiles to himself. The other book that was set on fire continues burning. And we don’t see the African guy again. I feel like this was a good set-up to something that never happened.

     So how bad is this Video really? Well, I’ve seen worse. It’s not so much that it’s awful, more that it’s just meh. Most of the Video is Paich looking for books, the band performing all tiny, shots of the librarian, and the implication that the library is turning into Africa. Nothing that exciting happens. It looks like the band really just wanted to do the bare minimum for this song. Like they said, “We want to be in a library, we want to perform on books, and we want like one or two mildly interesting things to happen.” The big culmination of the Video is a book being set on fire. Granted, that could be an awesome payoff depending on the context. But in this context, we know nothing about the book, other than it seems to be about Africa because when it opens, there’s a picture of a tribesman in it. I can’t even say this is a metaphor regarding Africa, because there are too many other African things going on here, so one book can’t act as the symbol of the continent.

     Now, if I was going to examine this story with my knowledge of what the song is really about, (which I will because it’s my blog, and these are the things I do) I’d assume that the African tribesman represents the vocalist’s animalistic sexual feelings, as alluded to in the song. Maybe his chucking the spear is the sexual urges boiling over, causing Paich to question his humanity. Meanwhile, the reason he’s doing all this reading is because he feels lost in regards to how to deal with this woman he’s thinking about. Then Paich finds a book about Africa the continent, which represents him deciding he’s going to eat his Fräulein out because he cares about her getting off. And then that makes the tribesman leave because now Paich is secure that he cares about his lady. But the other book is set on fire because life isn’t all about reading, and a body is a terrible thing to waste, and you know, I have no fucken idea where that fits in.

     If that is what the band was going for, I think it could have done a lot better. The Video didn’t focus on the African leaving or anything like that, we simply don’t see him again. And Paich doesn’t seem to be playing a man that is conflicted at all.

     A deep story in a song is great, but only as long as the song sounds good. Likewise, a deep story in a Video is great, as long as it’s fun to watch.

     Again, this Video really isn’t that bad. It’s just not that good. And a song as great as Toto’s only really great song, “Africa,” just deserves more. The black librarian at least could have busted a cap in the tribesman or something.

     Bonus Fact: CBS once played this song over Nelson Mandela memorial footage. This was either highly offensive or quite complementary, depending on what Mandela's views were regarding clit-licking.

“All the girlies with the pretty little panties

Turn around, let me smack both them ass cheeks

Throw your cups up if you'll get nasty”